Obsession
by HikoCassidy
Summary: Rin has promised to stay by Sesshoumaru's side forever, but as a human she knows she can't. She must find a way to become immortal. (Sess x Older Rin)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- Nope I don't own Inuyasha. Copyright goes to Rumiko Takahashi.

Obsession

Prologue

I learned at a young age that not all people were kind or had compassion. I saw the evils of the human race before me and they terrified me. Most villagers fear youkai. Not I, though. I fear the humans. My own race is what I fear. When I was 6 years old, bandits raided my home, killing my parents and my older brother. My mother had hidden me at the time and had told me to be absolutely quiet. Out of pure fear I hid as my mother grabbed a near by kitchen knife in an attempt to help defend us. I watched silently as the bandits came into our house after having already slain my Father and brother. My mother put up a good fight but in the end was over powered by 3 bandits who brutally beat her and finally ended her life by cutting her throat. I watched in silent horror as tears ran down my face. Bandits took what they wanted, looting our house and leaving it in shambles. The bandits left having never seen or heard me. By some odd miracle they did not look in that last closet.

By sheer luck I had escaped, but only to endure more hardships. About a day later the other villagers discovered the tragedy that had befallen my household. Our house wasn't the only one who had been attacked. They found me in the closet. I was in shock and couldn't talk, or maybe it was that I feared that if I spoke I would be killed. They sympathized with me, and helped me bury my family. But that was as far as their generosity went. No family stepped forward to take care of me. The crops that year were very poor and no one could afford to take care of another child.

I found an old dugout type of shack near the stream to live in since I could not bring myself to live in my old house. For food I constantly when out into the forest to collect wild vegetables and mushrooms. I lived like this for a year. I became brave in my own right because I could cry no more tears. At the time, it seemed like I had been through hell, so in my mind's eye, it couldn't get any worse.

During one of my daily trips into the forest to forage, I stumbled upon the most beautiful person I have ever seen. But person quickly turned to youkai as he violently turned and hissed at me, eyes blood red. But yet this did not faze me in the least.

You could say this is where my obsession starts.

Author's note - Well...as corny as the title sounds I do actually have an idea behind this lol. So I wanna know what you think, so PLEASE REVIEW! I know it's not much, but as much as I wanted to make this longer, I really wanted to leave it there. Next chapter will be up very soon, probably later tonight.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- Copyright goes to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Chapter 1**

_"What happened to your face?"_

_"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."_

__

"Rin."

"Rin!" a loud deep voice said that I immediately recognized as Sesshoumaru.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and the drool off my arm. I had fallen asleep reading in the library. " Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

" You were asleep on a scroll that I require."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I said as I handed him the scroll that I had used as a pillow. I silently prayed it didn't have drool on it. He took the scroll and gave me one of his many indifferent looks and then silently turned his back to me and walked toward his study. I let out a long sigh and rested my chin in my hand as I leaned on the table. 'How long has it been? 10 years? And I have yet to find an answer. Perhaps...It is time that I take my search elsewhere other than looking amongst endless scrolls and libraries.'

I felt like even though I was only 17 that my time with Sesshoumaru is running out. Jaken used to constantly tell me that I was human and that I would eventually die off. That I had no place in Sesshoumaru's life. I'm sure Jaken is just waiting for the day I finally die. It made me wonder the same about Sesshoumaru. Is he just patiently waiting for me to die too? Of course that would be stupid since he could simply kill me.

Maybe I could take this chance to ask him about taking Aun. I got up from the table, careful not to knock anything over, and headed across the library toward his office. When I got to his door, I hesitated in knocking. I really shouldn't bother him.

"Rin. Come in." His voice said from inside, startling me. I sighed and slowly slid the door open. "Hai Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Sit." He said commandingly. I quickly sat in front of him. I noticed the scroll that he had wanted spread out on the desk in front of him. Then I realized that was the scroll I had been reading was the one he wanted. Why didn't it dawn on me? He could easily guess what I had been interested in. Of course I'm more in denial about him knowing about what I've been researching for years. I highly doubt that he doesn't know because Sesshoumaru always knows and you can't ever hide anything from him. Yet there was still that fear of him knowing.

I tried to keep all emotion and expression from my face, something I picked up on from Sesshoumaru along time ago. His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, then to my amazement opened in shock." Rin, I sense great fear and anxiety from you. I have not done anything to threaten you. Why is it that you tremble in my presence?" He said quietly. I mouth gaped open. So much for my show-no-emotions plan, I should have known he would have read me like a book. I knew I had to answer him and I could not lie.

"It is not you that I fear but what you might say." I said simply. He seemed somewhat a taken back at what I said. I was expecting him to ask what I thought he might say. But...

"Rin. Come with me." He said as he stood up and walked past me and slid the shoji door open. Trying to regain my composure, I got up and followed him. Isn't that what I have always done?

I followed him through the dark corridors of his castle. I silently admired him from behind. His beautiful long flowing hair shown brilliantly in the moonlight and swayed as he walked. His regal posture that radiated confidence and arrogance with each graceful step. His--

I thoughts were cut off as I almost slammed into him. He had stopped and I failed to notice. I realized what part of the castle we were in, the gardens. I had always admired the gardens, because they were always filled with flowers or blossoming trees. I had always loved flowers, so much so that Sesshoumaru taught me Ikebana. I suppose if I was going to pick flowers, I might as well do something useful with them.

I followed him to the edge of the pond in the middle of the garden. He silently looked up at the moon and closed his eyes. I stood next to him and did the same. I understood that he was taking in the fragrant scent of the garden. "Rin?" He said very quietly as if not to disturb the sereneness of the moonlit garden. "Yes?"

"Do the lilies wish to be roses?" shocked by his question I was unsure as to how I was to answer.

"No, Sesshoumaru-sama. They are beautiful in their own right."  
"You are correct Rin. Keep this in mind." We remained silent for a few moments before he spoke again. "Where are you going to start searching first?"

"Bokuseno-sama."  
"Wise choice." A compliment from Sesshoumaru?

"May I request that I take Ah-Un with me?" I said tentatively.

"Do as you like." He said as he stepped toward me. My eyes widened as he gently placed his hand on my cheek and then leaned down close to my ear, so close I could feel his hot breath. "Rin, always remember Roses have thorns." he softly whispered into my ear. Then he abruptly pulled himself from me and continued to walk past me. By the time I recovered from my shock, I turned around and he was already gone. I stood in the moonlight as a gentle breeze blew past me making me shiver in the early spring. What must he think of me now? He knows of my greatest desire. The very same desire that has been my obsession for so many years. The obsession that stemmed out of love for him. Or maybe...**_he's_** my obsession.

****

Glossary:

Hai: yes

Ikebana: art of flower arrangement.

**Author's notes:** I'm sooooo sorry it took me a while to update. I know I said I would post it later that night but well crap happens. I was tempted in this chapter to use actual Japanese flowers. Of course, I'm sure you can find lilies and roses in Japan, but I'm not so certain about finding them in the Sengoku Jidai. So I opted to use flowers people would be more able to relate with. Please excuse my bad grammar, I tend to write things as it flows so whatever. Also with the whole Ikebana thing, well I was writing and the thought of Sess teaching Rin how to arrange flowers just struck me as funny and adorable all at the same time, so well yeah. I feel some fanart coming on.

Please review! Btw- THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT REVIEWED! I LOVE YOU ALL!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: copyright goes to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Obsession**

--Sesshoumaru P.O.V--

Sesshoumaru, to those who didn't know him, appeared to be emotionless and bored as he watched from his balcony as Rin prepared to leave. But inside he was very conflicted.

He watched as she carried heavy packs to Ah-Un, even though the servants practically begged her to let them help. She had always been that way, especially around servants. Unless she absolutely needed help, she would attempt everything herself. One of the many traits that he respected about her. Even though she was practically raised as a noble, she never took advantage of it. Another trait he liked was her undying devotion and trust in him even though he won't admit it. That certain trait stirred feelings in him he wasn't quite sure about. Every time he heard her scream his name in fear, his chest hurt in a way he couldn't quite describe, he wouldn't dare to call it fear.

He continued to watch as she struggled to tie the heavy packs onto Ah-Un. He resisted the urge to go and help. He practically grimaced as he realized he was no better than the servants. His thoughts wandered to the night before. ' Why did I tell her that? Why did I hint that she is fine as she is? That she is more beautiful than any rose.' At the last thought, if it hadn't been for his great composure, he would have smacked himself. He watched as she bowed greatly to the servants who had helped her. ' Why am I not going with her? She needs protection, she is my property.' he thought.

Yet another voice of reason spoke,' It will be ok, she knows how to defend herself. You knew this day was going to come, when she would finally decide to leave.'

'But then why does my chest ache so?'

There was no answer.

He realized that she had noticed him in the balcony watching her. He swiftly turned around," She is _only_ my property!" he gritted his teeth and said to no one in particular.

' But what will happen if she succeeds in her mission?'

Rin's P.O.V

I had finally finished packing Ah-Un, when I glanced up towards the balcony looked out onto the courtyard to notice Sesshoumaru staring at me with those cold saffron

eyes. My heart seemed to skip a beat for a moment as we held each other's gaze. He quickly turned around and disappeared into the room. I let out a long sigh. I hope he's not angry with me. I must succeed in finding a cure. A cure for mortality. I want to be with Sesshoumaru forever. And the only way I know how is to somehow become immortal or youkai. My problem is that humans have looked for that cure for a long time, and I am just like all the other foolish humans before me. Why do I bother? Because I do believe what I am feeling towards him is love. Whether to say I am in love with him or not is hard to say since I have yet to know exactly what that feels like. But I do know I am doing this out of love. Under all those emotionless, cold, uncaring masks is a Sesshoumaru that exudes loneliness. I don't blame him either, having traveled with Jaken for a couple hundred years would make me lonely too.

"Rin."

I turned around quickly realizing that Sesshoumaru was behind me. I blushed profusely and dropped my eyes to the ground. He took a step forward and I felt his hand go under my chin and gently lift my face upward. "Where is the fearless Rin, that I know?" he said softly as he gazed into my eyes. My heart started beating erratically and my face flushed even more, if that was possible. Why does my heart betray me like this? As he stared into my eyes for what seemed like an eternity, I started to see puzzlement in his eyes and something else I could not read. What is this emotion that I cannot read in his eyes? While to almost everyone else, he might have looked like he was bored and very passive. But I knew better, I knew what to look for in his face. As he could read me like a book, I could do the likewise.

"Be...careful, Rin." He said slowly and unsure sounding. My stomach did a flip-flop at his words. I yearned to reach out and touch him, to embrace him. But there is this unspoken rule, that I should not touch him. There have been very few occasions were there was contact between us, and usually it was him who touched me. These instances were more like I fell off a cliff and he caught me. Physical contact for practical reasons.

I always assumed that since I was human, he wouldn't want me touching him. Seemed logical to me, but as of late he has been throwing my logic to the wind.

As he gazed at me, I felt the need to tell him that I would be back. That I was not leaving for good. Did he think that? That I would abandon him? Is that the unreadable emotion that I see in him? As I stared back at him, a thought occurred to me. What if I die trying to find immortality? What if I don't come back? My heart clenched horribly, and I choked back the growing lump in my throat. Against all rational thought, I stepped closer to him, causing his hand to slide to the back of my neck and I got dangerously close to him. We were so close that I had to tilt my head all the way back and he looked directly down at me in shock. I then slowly slid my arms around him and laid my head on his armored chest, trying to avoid the spikes. "I promise I will be back, Sesshoumaru-sama." I whispered, knowing he could hear me. Tears started to flood my vision; it would be the first time that it was I that went away and not him. I was voluntarily going without him. I quickly pulled away from him and tried to avoid letting my tears fall in front of him. I refused to let him think that I was weak. He turned his head to the right and up towards the sky as to avoid looking at me. "Tell Bokuseno hello for me." and with that he turned and walked back towards the castle. I quickly wiped my eyes. I suppose I better head out. Even though I don't know how to get to the ancient forest that Bokuseno resides in, but Ah-Un does. I turned to Ah-Uh and he kneeled down so I could easily get on his back. I climbed on and doubled checked my packs. I had my armor on and sword, yes I was ready to go. I grabbed the reigns and tugged. "Let's go Ah-Uh, I want to make it to Bokuseno's by tomorrow morning." And with that we leaped into the air.

Author's note: I'm so sorry that it's a short chapter again. But I was truly working toward getting it longer. The problem is that I have no time to write, not nearly as much as I would love to do. So I could have written a much longer chapter, but it would have taken 2 weeks. I want to be able to update quick. I (as a huge fanfic reader) hate to have to wait a very long time to read the next chapter. So which would you prefer, a longer chapter but have to wait a long time for it, or a short chapter every couple days? Man I can't till thanksgiving break! Once again THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! It encourages me so much!


	4. Chapter 3

**Obsession **

Disclaimer: No I do not own Inuyasha, but I DO own a Sesshoumaru plushie now! MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!

The skyline looked absolutely beautiful as the sun was setting. I gazed out across the Western lands from atop of Ah-Un. The sky was an orangeish red fading to a purple. Oh how I wished that Sesshoumaru would be here to share this beautiful sunset. Even though he wouldn't have shown it, I think he would have enjoyed it. There is a part of him that appreciates natural beauty, which seems so obvious to me. For the longest time I thought that he hated the flowers that I always picked for him, but I came to realize that he enjoyed them more than he let on. Of course he always looked that way about everything. It wasn't until he taught me Ikebana, that I started to realize this.

---------

I excitedly watched as Sesshoumaru brought a shallow flowerpot over to the low sitting table. He sat down on a cushion on the floor and placed the pot on the table. My eyes eagerly followed his every movement as he chose which flowers he was going to use. Sesshoumaru had taken me the day before to pick flowers in a vast field filled with a wide variety of flowers. He chose about 9 flowers out of the pile on the table. Then he started to trim them. At the time, I was expecting him to use the hasami, but he didn't. To my amazement he used one hand and trimmed the flower stems with his claws. This really brought to my attention for the first time that he had no left arm. He had never shown any kind of inconvenience due to his lack of an arm. He delicately trimmed the stems till they were the right length and then he laid them slide by side in a line to demonstrate. He set aside 4 flowers. One was much longer than the others and has small purple blossoms on it. This one he picked up and showed me.

" Ikebana is all about symbolism and expressing the beauty of nature. This one," he emphasized the flower he was holding," represents heaven. That is why it is the tallest one." He put that flower down and picked up a shorter one of the same kind next to it.

"Because this one is shorter but taller than the rest, it represents the world." He put that flower down and picked up a red flower, shorter than the first two but taller than the last. I saw him hesitate for a second before he continued. " When most...humans practice Ikebana, there are only three points: Heaven, earth, and mankind. But as a demon, we add an extra point to symbolize us." He explained carefully as he put down the red flower and picked up the last, yellow, shortest blossoming flower. "This of course symbolizes mankind." He said simply and put it back down. He reached to the right of the table where a curious object lay. At the time, I called it the porcupine. He picked it up and placed it in the left side of the pot." This is called the kenzan, it holds the stems upright." He explained. My mouth formed a silent "Oh" as I watched.

He once again picked up the tall purple flower and placed it in the flowerpot sticking it in the kenzan. Then he took the next one, the world, and placed it next to it. Out of the pile he picked up two more red flowers and cut them the same size as the original. He placed them angled out of the pot to the left of heaven. Then he took a couple more yellow flowers and placed them around the red and purple flowers and then around the rest of the pot. Finally he picked up some of the leaves he had taken off the other flowers and placed it in the pot filling in some spaces.

"Why did you add the leaves?" I asked.

"It adds more depth."

-------

I smiled as I remembered that time. I wasn't gone 6 hours and I already missed him. At least I'm pretty sure we're close to Bokuseno's forest, I sure hope so. After 6 hours of riding Ah-Un, my butt started to hurt. I was quite thankful I didn't wear a full kimono anymore. I prefer wearing a hakama so I am freer to run around. Should I need to defend myself, a restricting kimono would not do. It's one of the very few things I have ever asked Sesshoumaru for. He had always provided for me, I never had to ask for anything before. But as I got older, and I wished to start learning to fight, I requested that I get a hakama. When I had asked he didn't say anything but the next morning I had a nice hakama waiting for me. He of course acted like it was his idea in the first place, but I didn't argue.

As we passed over the line of trees, I started to recognize familiar landmarks. Soon afterward Ah-Un flew downward into a thick forest. We landed and continued along a path, which I did not know, but knew I have traveled it before. We walked this path for possibly hours, I'm not quite sure since I started to doze somewhere in the middle of it. I was wakened by a grunt from Ah-Un. I rubbed my eyes and gazed upon a small clearing with an enormous tree in the middle. I quickly jumped off Ah-Un and scrambled toward the tree. I dropped to my knees and bowed with my face to the ground." Bokuseno-sama!" I said loudly. When I got no answer, I continued without looking up." It is I, Rin! Ward to Sesshoumaru-sama, Lord of the Western Lands." I said formally.

It was very quiet for several moments, and I began to fear that I had the wrong tree. But I heard the rustling of leaves and I glanced up to see a face appear in the trunk of the tree. I sat up quickly. " Bokuseno-sama!" I shouted happily. Bokuseno looked at me and frowned." You don't have to yell, I'm old not deaf." He said irritatingly. I looked at the ground, my face red with embarrassment. " Gomen nasai." I said quietly. I stood up and looked at him. He looked no different from when I was a little girl and visited him with Sesshoumaru. He seemed to be staring at me.

" Is it true that you are Rin? The young girl who followed Sesshoumaru around?"

I nodded my head. " Well well.. It has been many years hasn't it, young sapling?" I grinned at him. I was so happy that I found him that I almost wanted to go hug his trunk, but I'm not quite sure how well that would go over with him. But the more I thought about it, was it such a good idea to come and ask Bokuseno for help? I mean, he, in a way, is Sesshoumaru's adviser. Sesshoumaru always came to Bokuseno for advice. I knew that he is kind and nice, but when I think about it, Sesshoumaru hates humans, would he ever listen to someone who didn't?

" Young Sapling, where is Sesshoumaru?" He asked. I looked away," He did not come with me."

" You came by yourself?" I nodded my head," What is the importance? Surely you did not seek me out by yourself, only to play amongst my branches?"

I looked at him sadly." I have a question to ask of you, Bokuseno-sama." His eyebrows went up in an expression of surprise." What question is of such importance?"

I gathered up my courage and tried to prepare myself for his negative response.

" Bokuseno-sama, how might I go about becoming immortal?"

------

Hasami- a type of scissors used in Ikebana.

Gomen nasai- I'm very sorry.

Author's note : I AM SO SORRY! I took forever to update. No this fic is NOT dead. I am just having a hectic life, and I find very little to do anything anymore. Also part of this is my stupidity. I FORGOT that I had half of this chapter already written. Thank you XtemeAuthor for bringing it to my attention that Oh yea I forgot to update. Also thanks to all of you who are still reading this fic. Once again I am very sorry It's taking me forever to update. I'm also sorry if this chapter is a little boring, but I planned on it being longer but I found no time. HOPEFULLY this weekend another chapter! THANKS FOR ALL THE VERY HELPFUL REVIEWS!


End file.
